“Straight Talking Truth For Those Who Can Handle The Truth” 

Jillian Bullock aka The Legitimate Fixer

Speaker. Advocate. Life Coach. Fitness Expert. Award Winning Filmmaker

8 Steps On Your Road To Greatness

8 Steps On Your Road To Greatness

Step 1) Gratitude

Every morning, no matter how bad things seem, before your feet hit the floor say three things you are grateful for. Each day it should be three different things other than – I’m grateful to be alive, have clothes, a place to sleep. There are always people who have it worse than you. Take the people who were recently involved in the massacre in Las Vegas. They have it worse than you. The people who are enduring the aftermath of the recent hurricanes in Florida, Puerto Rico and the Caribbean have it worse than you.

**For the record, if you, or your loved ones, have been involved in any of the recent events mentioned, prayers go out to you and your family.

Whether it is something big or small gratitude helps you appreciate all things.

Step 2) No Excuses

Take 100% Responsibility for your actions, your choices. It’s easy to blame everybody for what’s going wrong in your life. You might be saying to yourself – “But Jillian you just don’t understand….”

  • My dad’s in prison.
  • My mom’s on drugs.
  • I had a baby at 16.
  • I live in a homeless shelter.
  • I was raped.
  • My family’s getting evicted.
  • I’m getting divorced.
  • I lost my job.
  • I’m a single parent.
  • My husband or wife beats me.

Life is hard, but to make excuses makes you a victim and will keep you from obtaining success and greatness. When you want to make changes in your life, especially when you are dealing with difficult situations, there are no quick fixes. It’s not going to be easy. You have to do things you don’t want to do at times. The dirty work. You suck it up. You don’t whine, cry and bitch about it. And you definitely don’t make excuses.

Khadijah Williams

Take a cue from Khadijah Williams, when she graduated from high school she got a full scholarship to Harvard University. That alone is impressive, but what was even more impressive is the fact that Khadijah was able to get excellent grades even though she was homeless throughout high school. She lived with her mother and younger sister in shelters or on the streets. Khadijah said she felt anger because she was bullied. Other kids teased her about her clothes and her living situation. However, Khadijah could have used being homeless as an excuse. It’s difficult to study and get excellent grades when you don’t know where your next meal is coming from or where you will lay your head at night.

But Khadijah said being poor and homeless gave her the drive to succeed and the only way to get out of her situation was to excel in school and go to college. Khadijah was accepted to 20 universities and she chose Harvard.

                                                                                                         Step 3) Be Consistent

Yes, consistent as in eat, sleep, drink, breath whatever goal you are working to achieve. It should be the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about before going to sleep.

Aristotle said – “We are what we repeatedly do.”

What are your habits? Do you watch a lot of TV? Are you on your cell phone all day texting, playing video games? Do you go out partying every weekend? Are you on social media for hours? Do you eat unhealthily? Or do you exercise? Are you reading books on empowerment, or about people who are successful? Are you taking classes or workshops or seminars to improve your craft, to get a promotion at work, to start your own business?  Are you watching motivational videos on Youtube?  Are you hanging around people who want greatness out of life?

No matter what you want to do with your life – doctor, lawyer, engineer, singer, dancer, scientist, artist, etc. You must study your craft and put in the work each and every day. It’s a daily grind that you must be willing to do even when you don’t feel like it.

                                                                                                           Step 4) Goal Setting

Set a goal. Put a date to it, meaning when do you want to accomplish this goal?  Then write down your plan of action for what you need to do to achieve your goal. For example, if it takes the average person, who is reasonably fit, six months to train for a marathon, (26.2 miles), and you know you have never exercised or did any type of running a day in your life, you may need a year to train. You find a marathon that’s happening a year from now, October 10, 2018, and you work from there. Writing daily in your journal will give you clarity as you keep a schedule of running drills and other fitness training you do, what you eat, how you’re feeling, what running gear and other equipment you may need.

You can visualize what it will look like a year from today when you cross the finish line and raise your hands in victory for completing a major milestone in your life. In fact, get a vision board and put photos of your head on someone else’s body who is crossing the finish line. Look at this board every day to give you encouragement and keep you on track. You should do this with any goal you have in your life.

 Step 5) Be Around Greatness

Will Smith once said, “If you are the smartest person in the room you need to be around a new set of people/friends.” This also means not only surrounding yourself with people who are smarter than you, but people who are better than you in other ways – richer, more athletic, more ambitious, healthier in mind and spirit, those who take life’s challenges by the horns and see it as an opportunity as oppose to those who whine and complain about how horrible life is for them.

Think about it – If you hang around people, friends, family, all day who are lazy, eat crappy foods, drinks sodas, and alcohol, smoke cigarettes, use drugs, who watch lots of TV, who don’t value education or mental growth, who have no or little motivation in life, that’s going to become you. You become what you see every day, all day. You become what the five people you hang around with the must are. Distance yourself from as much negativity are possible.  That might be difficult to do if these people are your family or spouse, but you can still distance yourself by spending time with people who are great achievers. You want to become the best version of yourself and the only way to do that is to be around others who striving for greatness daily.

You want to be around people who will challenge you to up your game. You cannot grow personally or professionally if you are always around people who are on your level, or God forbid, not even on your level. How can they help you be successful and great if they aren’t?

Step 6) Find A Mentor

One of the best things you can do to get on the right track and stay on the right track is to get a mentor. Someone in the field you want to go into who is successful.  A mentor helps guide you, gives you advice, support you, someone to talk to you about your chosen field. A mentor also tells you when you’re screwing up.  How do you find a mentor who will take you under their wing? You search the Internet. Those people in your community you admire. If you want to write for a newspaper, send an email to a reporter you respect and whose work, articles, you read all the time. Craft a nicely written letter to that reporter, telling him or her about yourself, why you want to be a journalist, why you would like to mentor, what you want to do with your future.  Then email it. Three things can happen: 1) you get no response. 2) the reporter say no 3) the reporter says yes. If you get a No, try another reporter, then another, and another until someone says Yes.

Step 7) Ignore The Negative Talk

You will have the haters, the naysayers, the doubters, and they can be your own family and friends. Maybe even your teachers or counselors. You must have belief in yourself that you matter. That you are worthy of love, respect, success and greatness in your life. That the dreams and goals you have mean something. And not to let anyone else tell you any different. It doesn’t matter who they are. They’re not always right. You have to be willing to stand up for yourself when you know something is wrong. You have to speak out. You have to put your foot down. You have to push on even when others don’t believe in you, don’t support you.

However, you also have to ignore the negative self-talk. Those days when you are telling yourself you can’t do something. You’re not smart enough, don’t come from a good family, don’t have the best grades, not athletic, not talented, too fat, too ugly, too tall, etc.

Scientists and researchers did a study and they estimated that people have over 60,000 thoughts a day, and the majority of them are negative.

    Lisa Nichols

Motivational speaker Lisa Nichols said, “Your negative self-talk is producing the results in your life. Your life is a physical manifestation of the thoughts you’re thinking in your head.”

Positive self-talk. Look in the mirror each morning and tell yourself that you are worthy, which you are. You deserve the best things in life, which you do. You have what it takes to become whatever it is you are passionate about.  Be mindful of that inner voice and how it talks to you. Do not focus on your weaknesses and imperfections. You may have big ears but you may also have beautiful eyes, wavy hair, a fit body. Focus only on the good, the positive.

Love yourself unconditionally. Even on days when life’s a total mess. Love and accept you for you. Also, it’s important to forgive yourself. You’ll make mistakes. But don’t dwell on them. You’re human. Learn from your mistakes and failure. This helps you know what not to do next time. Give yourself the sympathy you would give your best friend.

  Step 8) You Are A Champion

You are not a victim regardless of your past or circumstances. You are a victor. You are a champion, but you must believe this to be true. When things are the toughest, when you have hit rock bottom, when you feel you can’t go any further, when you want to quit, when you feel like the walls are caving in all around you because obstacles, hardships, and challenges are kicking your ass, that’s when you have to dig your heels in deeper and push forward. That’s what champions are made of. They don’t concentrate on the bad, the negative, the fear, the uncertainty, the doubt, or the unknown, instead champions adopt a positive way of looking at life even when crap is raining down.  Champions see life’s challenges as an opportunity to excel and thrive. It’s the energy of positive thinking that will bring the right people, other champions, in your life. These people will help you achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have the more champions you will have to support you. It’s also the energy of positive thinking like a champion that will help you remain at peace, calm, and reduce anxiety and stress. Not saying you aren’t supposed to acknowledge when things are bad, but it’s how you deal with situations that make you a champion.

Two people can have the same experience happen to them and yet have totally different outcomes. One mother’s child was killed by a drunk driver and she wallowed in hate and despair for years while she let grief kill her in a sense. Another mother’s child was killed by a drunk driver and she mourned for a while. But she also thought like a champion and became proactive.

Candace Lightner created the non-profit organization Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (MADD) in 1980 after her 13-year-old daughter, Cari, was killed by a drunk driver. This organization, which has an office in every state in the United States and one in each province of Canada, seeks to “stop drunk driving, support those affected by drunk driving, prevent underage drinking, and strive for stricter impaired driving policy, whether that impairment is caused by alcohol or any other drug.”

Dr. Eric Thomas said,” I want your dream to be so clear, when you wake up in the morning all you have to do is step into your dream.” Now that’s thinking like a champion.



#JillianBullock #Transformational #Speaker #FixYourLife #Dreams #Success #Life #NoExcuses #Victor

Jillian Bullock to Speak at the Invisible Wounds Conference

Invisible Wounds Conference PTSD Speaker Jillian Bullock

Jillian Bullock to Speak at the Invisible Wounds Conference

Invisible Wounds Conference PTSD Speaker Jillian Bullock

DATE: October 5, 2017
TIME: 9am – 4pm (Registration at 8am)
LOCATION: Paul Robeson Center, Rutgers University – Newark, NJ


C:\Users\delayne\Pictures\Misty and Jillian stables (6).jpg Jillian Bullock, award-winning filmmaker, who is also a sexual assault and domestic violence survivor, will be on the panel at the Invisible Wounds Conference. She will show the trailer of her upcoming movie “A Sense of Purpose: Fighting For Our Lives,” which deals with veterans, PTSD and military sexual assault, and then discuss the movie and why she decided to write, direct and produce it.

Jillian will also be on the Domestic Violence Panel and will share how she overcame her own battles with trauma.


The other experts on the domestic violence panel includes:

Ron Blake – Phoenix resident who was sexually assaulted by three men in his own apartment. One of the perpetrators was his then partner. Blake found recovery through laughter while watching the Steve Colbert show. He started taking poster boards around Phoenix and had people sign them to express their support. As of today, he has over 26,000 signatures and the poster board cover an entire football field. Blake has even done a TEDx talk.

Dr. LeAnne Bruce: Bruce oversees the VA’s Intimate Partner Violence program, working with veterans who have been victims of sexual abuse.

Cynthia Walker: She started an organization S.O.F.I.A (Start Out Fresh Intervention Advocates) after meeting a local resident whose sister was shot and killed by her ex-boyfriend in front of her own children during swimming lessons.


Opening Remarks

Opening Remarks (via video) from Senator Cory Booker, the former Mayor of Newark, N.J.


Domestic Violence

One out of every three women and one out of every four men have been physically abused by an intimate partner. Domestic violence is most common among women between the ages of 18-24.

Victims of domestic violence lose over eight million days of paid work each year. The cost of domestic violence exceeds $8.3 billion annually.

Urban Impact

One in every five adults is diagnosed with a mental health condition. Over 50% of individuals diagnosed with a mental disability DO NOT get help. Six out of 10 young adults diagnosed with depression do not get help.

Children in an urban community are more likely to suffer from PTSD than a soldier returning from Iraq or Afghanistan. More than 60% of men and 51% of women experience at least one traumatic event in their lifetimes.


Over half a million troops deployed since 2001 suffer from PTSD. Less than 20% receive adequate care. There are more than 50,000 homeless veterans every night.

Every month nearly 1,000 veterans attempt to take their own life. The unemployment rate for Iraq and Afghanistan veterans is 10%. Over 1.5 million veterans will enter the labor force in the next five years.

To Register


#Transformational #PTSD #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #Speaker #veterans #mentalhealth #haveptsd #depression #vets #anxiety #trauma #people #war #leadership #success

Love Yourself First In Order To Achieve Happiness and Success

Love Yourself First In Order To Achieve Happiness and Success

Sometimes to grow and to truly change your life, you have to make difficult choices. To thrive and become better physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually often times is painful. You get so comfortable being uncomfortable that you settle for less when you really are destined for greatness.

Whether you start a business or audition for The Voice anything major worth achieving means it will take time, discipline, focus, resilience, and determination on your part. If you quit, you never know what could have been.

When the unexpected nature of life comes at you full force – cancer, divorce, death of a loved one, job lost – it will test your faith, but in these difficult times, you will see what you are made of when everything changes dramatically.

But wait… before you can do any of that you must know this.

First and foremost, it’s important to love yourself. I mean to really love yourself so you don’t settle for less than what you deserve. Love yourself in order to love others. If you aren’t whole emotionally or mentally, which means you aren’t loving yourself properly, how in the world do you think you can love someone else?

You’ll just end up bringing all of your emotional baggage into a new relationship. And guess what? That relationship won’t survive.

Learn to take the time, even if that means being by yourself for a while, to heal, to transform, to take the steps necessary to do what is best for you. In doing this, you will come out stronger and then you can deal with what life throws at you.

You may be thinking that loving yourself first is selfish and narcissistic, but it’s not. You want to be the best you can possibly be personally and professionally.  When you love yourself, you are saying “I am worthy of love and respect.” When you love yourself you will treat your body right with wholesome food and exercise. When you love yourself you will listen to what your body needs – rest, relaxation. When you love yourself you will look out for your best interest.

Some people, especially women, will do so much for others that their health deteriorates. They put their dreams and goals on the backburner for others – family, mate, boss, kids. You are no good to anyone if you mind, body and spirit isn’t right. So you need to ask yourself, “How can I take better care of me?”

Love yourself unconditionally.

Even on days when life’s a total mess. Give yourself the sympathy you would give a friend. Have self-compassion for you even when you make mistakes or fail at something. If a friend screwed up at work to the point where he got fired you wouldn’t say to him – “Well, it’s your fault. Nobody told you to wait until the last minute to get that major report into your boss. Nobody told you to miss that important meaning with your client.” You would have compassion for your friend because you love him or her. You need to do the same for yourself because you should be your own best friend. Talk lovingly to self.

Also, make time to pamper you. Life can get so crazy and the world seems like it’s out of control and there’s nothing you can do about it. To help you keep your sanity during these times you need to care for yourself. Spend time, like 15 minutes a day, being quiet so you can meditate or pray or just be silent and do absolutely nothing. Turn off all electronic devices at least once a week for a few hours. Do other constructive and uplifting things, e.g. listen to music and sing at the top of your lungs. Throw a dance in there too. Go shopping and have lunch by yourself or with a group of friends. Go to a spa and get a deep tissue massage and facial. Go to a new class, like Zumba or Spin or Kettlebell or Yoga and sweat your worries away. Take a weekend hike through nature and listen to the animals, the water in the lake, and sleep under the stars.

Once you treat yourself with love, kindness, and respect you will be free to give more to others.

This is what happens when you love yourself unconditionally and with more compassion:

  • You feel more confident
  • You are motivated to achieve success
  • You become more resilient in the face of adversity and you learn from your mistakes
  • You are more emotionally balanced, which means you’ll have better relationships with others – spouse, parents, children, friends, boss, co-workers, even strangers.
  • Your stress level will decrease
  • Your physical, mental and spiritual health improves
  • You’ll be less likely to have anxiety or depression
  • You make better decisions personally and professionally


How are you loving yourself? Leave your comments below.

#transformational #love #empowermentspeaker #success #transformationcoach, #empowermentspeaker, #inspiration, #success, greatness, fixyourlife #startingover #legitimatefixer #personaldevelopment #professionaldevelopment #advocate #hereistand #selfdefense #rape #sexualassault #domesticviolence #fitness #health #wellness #JillianBullock #Speaker

10 Ways Daily Sex Improves Your Health and Your Life

10 Ways Daily Sex Improves Your Health and Your Life

As a professional speaker and certified life coach people always ask me a variety of questions for their personal and professional growth. Lately, I’ve been getting many questions regarding sex. Now, many of you have read my memoir, HERE I STAND, so you know why I would be considered an expert when it comes to this subject. For those of you who haven’t read my book, all I have to say – go buy a copy and read it. I’m kidding.

All I can say is a guy I was dating once called me the “Tony Robbins of Sex,” and if you don’t know who Tony Robbins is stop right now and google his name so you can understand why that reference is such an honor.

We’re all adults here and we all engage in sex, hopefully, we all do. So, don’t be shy, read on.

Daily Sex Equals Health

You know the saying: “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Well, forget that nonsense. It’s sex that keeps the doctor away because having intercourse has many health benefits. Sex isn’t just for pleasure, even though that is a good reason to have it. However, there are numerous benefits to getting your freak on daily.

When you engage in sex your body produces a chemical called dopamine, which produces endorphins, or “happiness hormones” along with oxytocin, a hormone released during sex or while hugging, holding hands, cuddling, or kissing. These hormones increase even more when you have an emotional closeness with the person you’re having sex with.

In fact, several doctors and sexual health professionals have suggested that it is beneficial to have sex every day, if you can.

  1. Relives Stress

If you’re stressed about anything in life, sex will help. If you are burdened with difficult issues, people, circumstances, sex is the key. If you’re having health issues, sex is the answer.

By lowering your stress level you reduce your risk of getting sick with the common cold or diseases, e.g. cancer, heart attack, stroke, high blood pressure, along with depression, chronic pain and migraines.

Stress can also affect one’s ability to perform sexually especially if a guy can’t get an erection or a woman isn’t lubricated enough, which for both men and women that could lead to problems achieving an orgasm.

Sex as stress management is effective because during the time you’re involved in making love you aren’t thinking about whatever is worrying you and stress lowers over that period of time. So increase foreplay before you jump into action. The longer you can go the better. This is also true if you masturbate. A solo act helps reduce stress and makes you feel better overall. So if you can’t wait for your guy or gal to get home, handle your business.

      2. Exercise

If you do it right, meaning you work up a good sweat with a partner, you will burn tons of energy and calories, because making love is a physical activity. During intercourse or if you do any form of cardio conditioning or lift weights, your body goes through the same physiological changes – a workout is a workout. When your breathing rises blood pumps through your body and the amount of oxygen in your cells increases. Also, like exercising, making love increases stamina and gives you better, stronger orgasms.

Better yet hit the gym, then hit the sheets to get fit and have fun. Don’t shower before you engage in the nasty, which makes sex even hotter.

  1. Youthfulness

If you want to know what the secret is to the fountain of youth, forget spending thousands of dollars on vitamins, plastic surgery, Botox, just have lots of sex. If you make love just three times a week that will make you look ten years younger. Imagine what having daily sex will do for you.

“It’s good for you to have good sex,” says David Weeks, a clinical neuropsychologist at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, whose study on the effects of sex on aging appears in his book, Secrets of the Superyoung.

According to Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, “sexual intercourse boosts our immune system, prevents stagnation, allows us to feel more alive and sweat out toxins from our pores.”

Sex also helps clear up acne and makes your skin glow and keeps your estrogen and testosterone levels in balance, especially as you get older.

  1. Stronger Heart


According to the National Vital Statistics Report heart disease is the leading cause of death for both men and women. In fact 1 in 4 people die daily from heart disease, which amounts to roughly 610,000 people. Every year about 735,000 Americans have a heart attack.

One way to improve your heart and lessen your chances of getting heart disease is through exercise, and sex is a form of exercise. You have better sexual performance when your heart is strong because it improves your cardio conditioning which is involved if you have a rigorous sexual encounter. If you want to develop more stamina and power in the bedroom, you have to get your heart right. Doing cardio conditioning workouts will carry over into the bedroom or any room during sex.

       5. Ladies, Stronger Pelvic Muscles

Since sex involves several muscles in the body it can definitely help you develop stronger pelvic muscles, which is great for when you engage in sexual positions where you have to squat, e.g cowgirl.

Another benefit of having regular sex is you’ll have stronger bowel function, regulated mensural cycles, and bladder control, which is good for avoiding incontinence. This becomes a problem for roughly 30% of women, especially as they age.

Also, according to the National Health Service (NHS) when you strengthen your pelvic muscles you have better orgasms.

Exercises to help improve pelvic muscles


                              (Lunges)                                                                                                                (Pelvic Lifts)

                                                                                                                     (Goblet Squat)


  1. Guys, Protect Your Prostate

Guys, especially those over 40 years old, if you want to guard against erectile dysfunction (the result of poor blood circulation) or impotence sex is the answer. Through frequent sexual activity men ejaculate and that is what helps rid the body of toxins. According to a study, which was published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, “men who ejaculated frequently (at least 21 times a month) during intercourse or by self-stimulation, were less likely to get prostate cancer.

To boost your libido make sure you get in at least 30 minutes a day of heart pumping, sweat-breaking exercise.

Also, men the more sex you have the more testosterone you will produce, and it is testosterone that makes you horny.

  1. Mental Health       

Like exercise, sex, whether with a partner or by masturbation, helps people reduce stress and anxiety and increase happiness, which has an overall psychological and emotional benefit for a healthier life.

  1. Improves Your Mood

Who can possibly remain in a negative state of mind after going a round or two under the sheets with a man or woman who knows how to work it out? As you’re relaxing in the afterglow, close your eyes and savor the feeling, think of nothing but how good you feel at the moment.

Making love also improves your mood if you’re dealing with pain, like a headache. Don’t use that as an excuse not to enjoy sex, because, ladies, every time you have an orgasm, endorphins release which reduces aches and pains.

“Orgasm can block pain,” says Barry R. Komisaruk, PhD, a distinguished service professor at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey. “We’ve found that vaginal stimulation can block chronic back and leg pain and many women have told us that genital self-stimulation can reduce menstrual cramps arthritic pain, and in some cases even headache.”

  1. Sleep Much Better

If you want to increase post-coital relaxation, which means how calm you feel after any great form of exercise, then sex it up. If you have trouble sleeping, sex could be the cure. You’ll be tired afterwards, become lethargic, and drift off to sleep.

“After orgasm, the hormone prolactin is released, which is responsible for the feelings of relaxation and sleepiness” after sex, says Sheenie Ambardar, MD, a psychiatrist in West Hollywood, CA.

  1. Longer Life

Ever heard of the word dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA)? It is a hormone that is released when a man or woman has an orgasm, which helps prolong your life by improving immunity, memory, brain function, and repairs tissue. As people age their level of DHEA significantly drop, which results in many men and women taking DHEA supplements. However, having more sex is a better way to go.

When you are fit and healthy, have a strong heart, toned muscles, increased circulation of oxygen these are some of the factors that add years to your life.

Having sex daily is the best medicine one could ask for. It is far better than any prescription drug. However, trying to have sex every day may be unrealistic for a number of reasons, especially if someone isn’t in a relationship or doesn’t just want to “hook up.” In that case, the next best thing is masturbation. Brush off those sex toys and gels and erotic videos.

Having sex daily is one thing. Having good sex is something else, which will be discussed in another article.


** A special note – This article isn’t to say men and women should be out in the world having unprotected or unsafe sex just to reap health benefits. If you are engaging in sex it is important to know the sex status and history of the person you choose to have sex with. If you don’t know, use condoms. Safety first.

If you have any question pertaining to sex or sexual health email Jillian at – 

#Speaker #JillianBullock #Transformational #SaturdaySex #Educational #SexualHealth #transformationcoach, #empowermentspeaker, #inspiration, #success, greatness, fixyourlife #startingover #legitimatefixer #personaldevelopment #professionaldevelopment #advocate #hereistand #selfdefense #rape #sexualassault #domesticviolence #fitness #health #wellness

Fall Forward In Order To Fulfill Your Dreams and Goals

Fall Forward In Order To Fulfill Your Dreams and Goals

The hard, cold truth is this: “When you have a dream, especially when it’s a big dream, people (loved ones included) many times will not want you to succeed. They will try to stop you in various ways – guilt is the main way. Know this, it is their own fear of what will change once you do succeed. Or as some people may say, “I’m just looking out for your best interest because I love and care about you.”

Parents are the main ones who are guilty of doing this. They tell their children to have a backup plan in place just in case that “dream of yours doesn’t work out.”

(Denzel Washington)

Denzel Washington, award winning actor and director, made this statement – “People may tell you ‘make sure you have something to fall back on.’ But I never understood that concept. If I’m gonna fall I don’t want to fall back on anything. I want to fall forward. At least this way I see what I’m gonna hit.”

Be Hard On Yourself

It’s okay to be hard on yourself. This is how you will push forward and do what is necessary to reach your goals. Just don’t be so hard on yourself that you put yourself down with the negative thoughts of “I can’t do this. What was I thinking? Why did I make that decision? I suck. This is too hard.”

Don’t use language that will not help you thrive. Don’t be hard on yourself if that means making yourself feel bad.

(Barbara Corcoran)

What’s even more important is this quote from Barbara Corcoran, real estate mogul and one of the sharks on the TV show “Sharktank.”

“Don’t moan and groan or bitch. I’ve never tolerated that because it’s contagious.”

Be Contagious In A Good Way

When you give in to those self-defeating actions, it pulls you backwards and you don’t fall forward. You end up making your life and others around you miserable. People, even your loved ones and friends, will stop wanting to be around you because they know at some point during the conversation it will turn into a pity party about how rough your life is. Nobody wants to constantly hear that. Shit happens to everyone in life. It’s how you choose to handle it that’s important.

Instead, you must be contagious in a good way with a positive attitude. Even when things are hard, when things are so bad that you want to quit and give up on following your dreams. It is your mental and emotional state of mind that will uplift you and give you the strength to carry on in a productive and healthy way. Plus, with this optimistic attitude you will get more people to help you. You will bring more positive energy into you world.

You Must Suffer

You may ask yourself, “Why do I have to suffer to achieve greatness?” Because that’s life. If it were that easy – becoming a doctor, walking on the moon, making a movie, earning a Ph.D., being a successful businessman or woman, running a corporate 500 company, earning a goal medalist in the Olympics, to be a musical conductor, to fight in the UFC, to run a marathon, to quit a job and start a business, to be a Grammy winning artist – everyone would do it.

Mental toughness is what helps build mental and emotional strength. It is was builds character. It is what gives you a thick skin to brush off the doubt, the negativity, the failures, and keep pushing forward.

When you do achieve your dreams and goals after all the blood, sweat, tears and suffering you had to endure you will appreciate it much more than if your parents just handed you a few million dollars and sent you on your way. Knowing you earned every penny you made, you earned every achievement, you earned the respect of your peers, and you earned greatness on your own terms that is what truly matters.

If you don’t feel like doing something – exercising, studying for school, going to work, writing chapters for your first novel, drilling basketball shots seven days a week, singing for hours each day to perfect your voice – do it anyway. Be disciplined and focused on what your dreams and goals are. Even if you hate it, suck it up and deal with it. There are no short cuts. No magic pill. No way around it. Greatness and success takes hard work and time. You have to be patient and keep pushing ahead even when it seems like it’s taking forever.

It’s not going to be easy. There will be days when you will say, “The hell with this. I’m going to get a cushy job and retire when I’m 65. Get a pension than call it a day.” But what will happen is when you are on your death bed, reflecting on your life, you will hate yourself for quitting. The dreams you had all your life will die with you.

Also, suffering makes you feel for others.  When you have success, you’ll have more compassion for people who are in a position where you used to be. This is why it’s important to reach back and help someone else. Give back once you’ve made it because you know what it’s like to suffer.

Your Vision

“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great ones, they make you believe that you too can become great.” – Mark Twain

Surround yourself with people who believe in you and rid yourself of those who don’t. It’s going to be hard enough for you to keep your spirits up when times get tough. You don’t need to be around people who will feed into your self-doubt or fear or uncertainty.

You want to have in your circle those who believe in you even if they don’t understand what you’re trying to achieve. Even if they think you’re crazy because you’re a visionary. They may not get your vision, but they support you because it’s YOU.

 Get It Done

There will be days you are just fed up with “the grind,” doing the work each and every day. It will get so hard on some days that you don’t even want to get out of bed. That’s when you really need to ask yourself, “How bad do I want this?” Look at where your life is at this moment and that should be your answer. The other side of that pain is greatness, is success. Will it be worth all the discomfort and sacrifices you’re going through now? Hell yeah!

Putting in the grind each day means you have focus, discipline, and consistency. Then, eventually over time, days, weeks, months, years, you’ll see success. You’ll see all the hard work paid off.

When you see your business thriving, when you drop 50, 60, 100 pounds, when you have that gold mental placed around your neck, when you walk across the stage at graduation and get that degree slapped in your hand, when your put the OPEN sign on your shop, when you cross that finish line at the marathon, when you hold that first published novel you wrote in your hand, when you see the completed film that you directed, when you make a move to another state for a job you’ve always wanted, when you are fluent in several languages, when you achieve whatever goal you’ve invested so much time, energy, and money in, the sheer joy in your heart will make it all worthwhile.


Look For Ways To Improve

Along your journey, you will fall, but again, fall forward. But catch yourself before you hit the “ground” and smash your face. Take a look at what you did wrong. Use it as motivation to get up and do better. Look at the areas you need to improve and make the necessary changes. Take action.

It’s important to know and write down what your life goals are in order for you to know what you must do to achieve them. Write down daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly goals. Compare your goals from one year to the next to see what you did, or did not, accomplish, and why.

You must ask yourself – “What am I doing to get better, to improve.” This means mental, physical and spiritual growth. Why is that important? You can achieve your goals and be financially successful, but be a butthead in the process. You want to be a well-rounded, good person. There is always room for growth and it is in that growth that you will achieve your goals. It is in that growth that you will become a better person.

Whatever you fear that’s what you need to do if that thing is stopping you from achieving your dreams and goals. For example, if you want to be a motivational speaker, but you fear standing in front of people, you have a big problem. But if that is your dream to a successful speaker then you must look for ways to improve, to get over that fear. You must figure out how to do that.

Don’t Lie To Yourself

If you know you’re not the smartest person around improve yourself through education. Read, take classes, look at videos on-line, and read some more, which is essential to learning. If you want to become a world class runner, but you don’t know the first thing about how to run properly, what to wear, the best running shoes to buy, or the proper nutrition needed to fuel your body, do your research, hire a running coach or join a running group, seek advice from a nutritionist, get a complete physical and the clearance from your doctor.

Also, never lie to yourself about your limitations or shortcomings. If your dream is to become a doctor, but you can’t stand the sight of blood, be realistic because that probably will never work. If you want to be a pilot but you’re colorblind, not gonna happen. If you want to become an A-list actor who is ugly as hell, that will not… well, that can actually happen, but you must be a great actor. You still will have to do the work and study your craft. Be painfully and brutally honest with yourself. Then set into motion what you must do to change that picture.

Falling isn’t such a bad thing. You can fall down during your journey, but always get back up. You can fall forward and see where you’re landing. Again, stand up, brush off the failure, the setback, the anxiety, the doubt, the haters, those who don’t support you, and regroup. Tomorrow you’ll get another chance to get it right.




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When Bad Things Happen Change Your Perspective

When Bad Things Happen Change Your Perspective

The first thing people tend to do when something bad happens to them is to ask the question – “Why me?” Trust me I truly understand. Bad things have happened in my life since I can remember. I was raped by a family friend at age ten, but that was after I witnessed my Mafia stepfather murder a man when I was nine. As a result of these two incidents I developed a stomach ulcer and had to be hospitalized for two weeks.

Through the years even more horrific things have happened to me – homelessness, drug addiction, job lost, domestic violence, divorce, cancer. Along with these traumatic incidences, even more hardship occurred, like raising three children as a single parent while I worked and went to college. For several years I dealt with nightmares and developed post-traumatic stress disorder, which I was able to get under control with the help of a psychologist.

Now when I do speaking engagements or I’m interviewed about my life, I’m often asked how in the world was I able to overcome so much pain. No matter how bad things ever got for me I tried to hold on to what I call “my fighting spirit.” I’ve always tried to look beyond whatever I was going through to see a better life on the other side of that obstacle, challenge or hardship.

When people are hit with hardships, obstacles or challenges they often have the following emotions – depression, anxiety, guilt, shame, or anger. The emotions can become so overwhelming that people often look to unhealthy outlets – food, sex, drugs, gambling, shopping – to cope. Depending on the incident a person can plummet into a dark hole and stay there for months, even years.

People tend to look at a certain situation and believe they either have bad luck, God hates them, nothing ever goes their way, no matter how hard they work they will never get a break, etc.

Sometimes what looks like something bad actually turns into something great or something you never expected. For example, say you wanted a certain job you interviewed for and you’ve been out of work for a year so you really need that job. You don’t get the job and you’re bummed. Now you change your perspective. You’ve always wanted to go back to school to get your Master’s degree. When you go to talk to a counselor you find out there is a job opening in your field. You apply, get the job and you still can go to school at a discounted rate because you work at the college.

Sometimes you need something bad to happen in your life to push you to get off your ass and do what you should be doing. For example, you suffered a heart attack because you’ve been eating fatty foods, sodas, cakes, cookies, for years. After surgery, you start a nutrition program and start exercising. Then, you appreciate life so much you start running marathons or hiking mountains.

Another example – that guy you thought you were so in love with, but in reality he was the biggest asshole ever, and he divorces you after twenty years. That could seem like the worst thing to ever happen to you and of course at first you’re sad, angry, unhappy, but then you shift your perspective. You see all the ways he mistreated you, disrespected you, and didn’t love you the way you deserved. You start working on yourself and doing all the things you wanted to do but couldn’t when you were married. Eventually, you’re feeling great about yourself. Then you meet another guy who is the love of your life and he treats you with all the love and respect you deserve.

Many times when something bad happens it’s a window for change; for you to do better in your life. You might have to change careers, get a different mate, go back to school, leave a dead end job, move to another city for employment opportunities, start that business, or  do what you’ve always wanted to do deep down inside.

So instead of saying, “Why me?” instead say “How can I use this incident to better my life.”

When Things Go To Hell In A Handbasket Ask Yourself:

1) Is there any way to see this situation from a totally different perspective?

2) Am I doing everything I can to make the situation better?

3) How long am I going to wallow in self-pity?

4) How long am I going to keep blaming others for my situation?

5) Is it really beneficial for me to keep replaying the bad things that happened to me over and over?

6) What opportunities can I find for growth?

Whatever you are going through it important to recognize your feelings and the emotions that come with being human. It is also important to know that you shouldn’t make any important decisions when you are in this state of mind. To do so, could make your situation even worst.

If a situation is so overwhelming and you find that the emotional or mental trauma is too much for you to handle on your own, seek professional help. Sometimes it takes reaching out for help to get through difficult experiences whether that involves your pastor, a support group, or a therapist.

When you work to get through “bad” situations or experiences you want to make sure you are not angry or bitter because that will not help you live a healthy, happy or productive life. You will make yourself, and those around you, miserable. Instead, you want to work to overcome the obstacle or challenge and grow in faith and in mental and emotional strength.



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How Sitting On Your Ass All Day Is Killing You

How Sitting On Your Ass All Day Is Killing You

Before you continue to read this article, you might want to stand up. Why? Medical research has determined that sitting for a prolonged time poses health dangers. Research by British Journal of Sports Medicine stated that people who have jobs where they sit for hours at a time are often overweight, have health problems, like heart disease or high blood pressure, or could die at an earlier age. Other health problems include stiffness of the back and joint pain.

It has been reported that most employees sit for more than half the time they’re at work. It is recommended that if you have a job where you sit most of the day, you should stand up every half hour, walk around, stretch out, do a few exercises at your desk, or even stand for at least thirty minutes to an hour.

When you take a lunch break instead of eating at your desk or in the lunchroom, take a walk and eat your lunch. Another alternative for staying healthy – use a standing workstation.

Even if you exercise before or after work that may not have enough of an impact on bettering your health. “Spending a few hours a week at the gym or otherwise engaged in moderate or vigorous activity doesn’t seem to significantly offset the risk,” Dr. James A. Levine, M.D., Ph.D. stated. Obviously, it’s good to get daily exercise, but you still need to stand and stretch your limbs at work. Along with standing and stretching at your desk also try sitting on a stability ball instead of a chair.

Although you are still sitting the stability ball forces you to constrict your core and abs in order to sit up straight and not fall off the ball. Incorporate this technique with standing. This will help you burn calories, lose weight and increase energy. Plus, there are tons of exercises you can do with the stability ball in your office or at your workstation.

TV Watching

Sitting on the couch watching hours of television each day is also very harmful. People tend to not only sit, but to eat while looking at TV.

“Prolonged sitting has been shown to disrupt metabolic function resulting in increased plasma triglyceride levels, decreased levels of high-density lipoprotein cholesterol, and decreased insulin sensitivity,” Dr. Hidde van der Ploeg, a senior research fellow at the University of Sydney’s School of Public Health in Australia, told TIME’s Healthland. Research shows that if you sit six hours per day that increases your risk of death by 40% within the next fifteen years.

Obesity and Children

The reason there is an epidemic in the United States when it comes to children and obesity is simple – many schools have done away with gym classes and children sit more today than they ever did. Either they’re watching hours of TV or they’re sitting while they text on their cellphones or while they play computer games.

Our Ancestors

It used to be that our ancestors had to be on their feet most of the day to kill and gather food, plant crops, build huts, walk miles to get water, but today far too many people spend more time sitting than they do sleeping.

Get Moving

Even if you already engage in a regular exercise routine, and if you don’t you should start, help yourself with small changes. Besides standing for thirty minutes behind your desk, you can take the stairs instead of riding the elevator. Walk or bike to work and ditch the car. The solution for people, adults and children, to have better health is to sit less and instead get moving.


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Everyone Can Benefit From Having A Life Coach

Everyone Can Benefit From Having A Life Coach

As a certified professional life coach, aka, The Legitimate Fixer of Personal and Professional Transformation, people often ask me what exactly is a life coach? No matter if you’re a corporate executive, a singer, a stay-at-home mom or a college student who just graduated, everyone at one time in his or her life envisions what their ideal life is. For whatever reasons if your dreams have not become reality yet you could probably benefit from having a life coach.

There is a reason why millions of people get a life coach; everyone from college professors to celebrities. Athletes have coaches to help them obtain greatness in sports. Wellness coaches work with their clients to have a healthy lifestyle in fitness and nutrition. Life coaches work with clients on personal and professional transformation.

What Is a Life Coach?

The International Coach Federation (ICF) — the leading global coaching organization and professional association for coaches — defines coaching as “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.” Basically, what that really means is life coaches help their clients improve their lives, careers and relationships – personal and professional.

Here are other ways life coaches help their clients:

  • Drive and ambition
  • Refocus on your dreams and goals
  • Recognize your talents, strengths, and skills
  • Overcome challenges and obstacles that stand in your way
  • Make better choices and decisions
  • Create positive change
  • Guidance to moving forward
  • Work-life balance
  • Reduce stress
  • To be healthier mentally and emotionally
  • Career growth
  • Will work with you to design a plan so you can achieve your goals
  • Help you discover what is really important in your life

Why Would I Need A Life Coach?

You can benefit from a life coach because life happens. There will be days when you are weak mentally or emotional and you just don’t feel like you can achieve your dreams and goals. Life can be overwhelming, stressful, or difficult. There will be days when you don’t want to go to work. Don’t want to exercise. Have no mental strength to focus on building your business, practicing for that acting audition, dealing with your children, studying to get into law school. There may be days when you want to do nothing more than to sit on the couch binge watching the TV show Power or Game of Thrones and eat fast food and drink all day. And this may go on for a quite a while.

A life coach will help you break free from that rut you’re stuck in to create a better, more fulfilling, and richer life. Everyone at some point in his or her life needs expert support, coaching, and direction. The fact is to achieve greatness, success, and happiness, you can’t do it alone. Nobody can. Every person is different and wants to achieve different things. Some clients want help balancing home responsibilities with their job, some need help with stress reduction, or career planning, or time management, or better relationships with their boss or spouse or both, or getting healthier physically.

Even after a client stops coaching sessions, if their life coach was good that person will be set with the skills to be consistent for days, weeks, months, even years. And unlike going to therapy for years, coaching can work in a short period of time. A good life coach will help clients transform negative actions and behaviors into positive qualities and productive actions.

What Life Coaches Are Not

A life or wellness coach is usually not a licensed health care professional. You will need to check with your health insurance to see if their services are covered. Life coaches are not psychologists or psychiatrists. With that in mind, if you suffer from any mental health issues, are depressed, or deal with anxiety then your best bet would be to bypass a life coach and talk to a licensed mental health professional.

How It Works

One of the great things about having a professional life coach is this – they will not tell you what to do or give you advice. Their job is to coach you so you can come up with the best choices for your life and for your future. Coaches are skilled experts when it comes to helping their clients change behaviors for the better, which is much more helpful than giving instructions.

A life coach will help you to become successful in your goals by holding you accountable. You will be challenged to grow mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Before you sign up with a life coach, do your homework. Look for someone who has a professional certification and any form of real training and experience. Ask for references from other clients. The first session, which should be complimentary, get to know the coach, their sense of personality and style. You want to make sure you two are a fit. Most importantly, you want to find a life coach that will help you stay focused and make the necessary changes in your life so you will succeed at the goals you seek.

  • Some coaches meet their clients in person at their office once a week. Most do one-on-one sessions by phone or Skype.
  • Sessions are usually between 30 to 90 minutes, depending on the client.
  • You will have unlimited email support.
  • You will always have guidance and support along the way.
  • Within the first few sessions, you will determine with your coach what you are trying to achieve. This will determine how long you will need to be coached.
  • Again, check with your medical insurance to see if life coaching is covered. If not, a coaching session can cost $100 to $300 an hour.


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Write Your Story and Bring Your Life Full Circle?

Write Your Story and Bring Your Life Full Circle?

“When writing your life’s story don’t let anyone else hold the pen.” – Harley Davidson

Take the time to reflect on your current life and then ask yourself the following questions:

  • What wakes you up in the morning?
  • What are you passionate about?
  • What brings you joy?
  • What gets you excited about life?
  • What do you obsess about?

Are you living your life on someone else’s terms? Doing what others – parents, spouse, children, friends, lover – want you to do?

Deep down inside you know what your story is. You know what will fulfill you. You know what will bring you joy and happiness. You just have to sit, be still, and listen to that little voice that whispers inside your mind and tells you to go for it. Then, you have to take action. Plan it out, what are the steps you must take to make it happen. Whatever that IT is for you – to lose weight and get healthy, to quit your job and start your own business, to take that new job in a foreign country, to uproot your life and travel somewhere else to begin acting, to leave that abusive relationship or end a relationship you’ve outgrown, to adopt a baby as a single parent, to go back to school, to learn a new language – whatever that IT is in your life write that story.

Do what matters most to you because you matter, and you only have one life. If you continue to live life on someone else’s terms you will be miserable, bitter, frustrated, and depressed. Eventually, you’ll start to blame and resent that person for holding you back. Don’t do things all your life that doesn’t make you feel alive, because if you do you will look back during your golden years and say to yourself, “What a life I’ve wasted.” If you don’t live your life to its fullest potential that means you’re not really living at all.

“There are risks and costs to a program of action, but they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of                            comfortable inaction.” – John F. Kennedy

Taking action can be a problem for a lot of people. Fear, doubt, and uncertainty rules them, even paralyzes them. Change is downright scary. It’s so terrifying that most people don’t write their real story because they don’t like change.

It’s understandable, you don’t want to feel uncomfortable. You don’t want to hurt or feel pain if your plan fails, or your actions turn out wrong. You don’t want to be embarrassed. You may think you’re better off staying in an unhealthy, unsatisfying, boring, or predictable life because it’s safe. Why rock the boat?

However, living that type of life limits you and puts you in a small box when life is about so much more. In order for you to step out of that box and write your distinct story you must accept the unknown. Despite what may or may not happen make the change and take action anyway. There are no guarantees, but make the change and take action anyway. Nothing is 100%, but make the change and take action anyway.

To live your true life you must be willing to sacrifice many things. You must be ready to push, kick, claw, or knock down that fear, that uncertainty, and that doubt. You must be committed to leaving behind or cutting people out of your life who are naysayers and haters. You must say to yourself, “I’m doing this come hell or high water and nothing and nobody is going to stop me.”

Each day take a moment to close your eyes and envision you are on the other side and living the life you truly want to live. Believe with all your heart that what you want to achieve you will. Have faith that you were put on this earth for a divine purpose. Once you bring your life full circle it will be well worth all the blood, sweat and tears it took to get you to the divine truth of your story.


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10 Daily Habits To Help You Become Mentally and Emotionally Strong

10 Daily Habits To Help You Become
Mentally and Emotionally Strong


To excel in life, to be the best in your chosen field, to fulfill your dreams and goals, to be happy, it takes more than hard work. Being mentally and emotionally strong, especially when hardships, challenges, and obstacles come your way, is what will help you obtain happiness, success and greatness.

  1. Be Grateful

Each morning before your feet hit the floor, state three things you are grateful for, and every day it should be something different.

  1. Be Willing To Change

The definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

If what you’re doing isn’t working, stop doing it and make the necessary changes. However, you must recognize that nothing stays the same, so the way you have always done things may have to be altered to get a different result. If you’re trying to lose weight and you do the same exercise routine for months, your body will get used to that routine and you will stop dropping pounds. Change the routine and keep the body guessing.

     3. Be Mindful

Before you look at any electronic devices, e.g. cellphone, laptop, to check out your social media pages or TV for the news or weather of the day, take 30 minutes to watch motivational and empowerment videos or mediate, do yoga or a light workout, or read a book.

These alternate choices will prepare you mentally to take on the world and be able to deal with what comes your way during the day.

     4. Believe In Yourself

“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t—you’re right.” – Henry Ford

The whole world, including your family and loved ones, may not believe in you, but who cares. As long as you believe in yourself that’s all that matters. Forget people who talk bad about you or who doubt your skills or talent. What other people think isn’t important. It’s what you tell yourself that matters most. Despite the challenges you may face on a daily basis, it is your firm belief in your dreams and goals that will help you get through and achieve.

Several celebrities and millionaire business people started off at rock bottom, but they believed in themselves despite what others said or what was going on around them.

(Tyler Perry)

Tyler Perry became homeless as he launched his first play and paid out of pocket for production. Not many folks showed up. For the next six years, he lived in his car or in run down motels, who had mainly crackheads for guests. Today, he is a TV and movie entertainment mogul and most famous for his “Madea” movies. However, Perry is also a successful businessman. He is the only African-American to own a movie and TV studio which rests on 330 acres of land in Atlanta, GA.

(Ed Sheeran)

When Ed Sheeran was getting started as a singer he started on the street corners singing for money. After he lost his place to live and had to bum around on friends’ or strangers’ couches. When things got really bad he had to sleep on the Central Line train in London or outside Buckingham Palace. Now, Sheeran is a Grammy award winning singer, who recently made a cameo on the hugely popular TV show “Game of Thrones.”

Even though both of them have stated in interviews that there were times when they wanted to quit because things seem hopeless and they got tired of struggling every day, the bottom line is they believed in themselves and kept pushing forward to success.

  1. Take Responsibility

It is imperative that you take 100% responsibility for the successes and failures in your life. Stop blaming the world and everyone else for your life and crap that has happened to you. Mentally strong people look at what they did to cause their life to be what it is. What choices or decisions, even if they’re bad ones, did you do, and then take responsibility. If you stayed in a toxic, unhealthy relationship for years, which caused you not to fulfill your dreams and goals that was your choice. If you stayed at that job you hate, the one that was so stressful you got physically sick, that was your choice. If you never went to college, or back to college, so you could get a better job or change career paths, that’s your choice. If you had a kid and you weren’t ready financially and now you’re struggling, that’s your choice. You make decisions every day of your life, make better ones and own up to the times when your choices, behaviors or decisions sucked. Don’t beat yourself up about it, just make better choices in the future.

  6. Be A Student Of Learning

Each day is an opportunity for you to learn something new. Whether you read books, look at motivational and empowerment videos online, take classes or go to lectures, seminars or workshops, mentally strong people, who are striving for greatness, are always seeking an opportunity to learn because they view it as an essential part of continued growth.

    7. Be Positive

Are you the half glass empty or the half glass full type of person? Do you view the world, and your life, as if everything is going to hell in a handbasket or do you find joy even when life gets tough? Adopting the mentality of being positive will help you have an optimistic attitude, which is important for your mental and emotional health.  Being negative, whining, bitching, and moaning not only affects you mentally, which can cause depression, but physically. It creates stress in your body, which makes you sick, weakens your immune system for colds, panic attacks, strokes, or heart attacks.   To help you reduce stress take up a hobby you love – swimming, yoga, painting, dancing. Anything to help you relax and unwind.

  1. Forgive and Don’t Hold Grudges

If you are a mentally tough person you know you don’t have time to waste time, and that means you don’t bother with holding grudges, which will drain you mentally and emotionally. When you forgive someone who has done you wrong, you do it for you, not them. All that anger and toxic energy inside you will only rot your body and mind, but it will cause you stress. Not saying you should forget when people have done you wrong, nor are you condoning their actions, but forgive them in order to have joy and peace in your life. Obviously, if this person, or people, has done things to hurt or harm you in anyway, you may need to cut them from your life.

Also, mentally strong people know that if they are the one who screwed up and hurt someone else they need to be the first to say, “I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

  1. Cultivate Strong Relationships

The five people you spend the most time with are a reflection of you and you will eventually become like those people. If all your friends smoke, and you don’t, eventually you will. If your friends don’t exercise, you won’t either. If your friends want to hang at the clubs every weekend, you’ll be right there with them drinking and eating bad foods.  The closest people you interact with on a daily basis influence your actions and behaviors. You must weed out toxic and negative individuals who are holding you back, who add little value to your dreams and goals, and who hurt you by pulling you backwards. It’s okay when you’ve outgrown people and you might have to let them go.

Surround yourself with go-getters, innovators, people who dream big, individuals who are living a physically healthy life, and people who can help you learn and grow.

Now there are exceptions to this rule. A person can be around positive, healthy, and influential people and he still never gets his act together. But what that means is this person’s friends will eventually stop being their friend and will move on to other like-minded people.

A side note – friends, can also mean family members.

  1. Don’t Waste Time Having Pity Parties

Everybody has lived through pain in their lives. No one is immune to shit happening to them. So, you are not special. Stop wallowing in self-pity, don’t keep count of who did you wrong and all they did to hurt you. Stop tripping that you’ve had the worst life ever, because believe this – there are other people who’ve had it much worse than you. When you stay in that self-pity mode and relive the pain over and over each day, it weakens your mind and body. That mental frame of mind also limits your ability to solve problems and see positive solutions. See Rule #7.

It’s futile to wallow in your problems, exaggerate your misfortune and keep score of how many hardships you’ve endured. Whether you’re struggling to pay your bills or experiencing a serious health problem, throwing a pity party only makes things worse. Self-pity keeps you focused on the problem and prevents you from developing a solution.

Hardships and sorrow are inevitable, but feeling sorry for yourself is a choice. Even when you can’t solve the problem, you can choose to control your attitude. This goes back to Rule #1.

Each person has roughly 70,000 thoughts a day. The ultimate goal is to transform your way of thinking in order to become a little better each day with a strong mind and emotions that are healthy and positive.


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